Mama Could You?

Adoption is quite a journey: this post has been rolling around in my head for the past month or so. We feel like we need to share so you can understand. We want to share so you can pray. Thanks for continuing to be a part of our journey! While the last 2 years were consumed with paperwork and steps to bring our sweet-almond eyed girl home, the journey by no means ended there. Adoption called us to lay down every ounce of common sense that is engrained into us. We spent more money than we should have to bring into our family a stranger with unknown medical and emotional needs. Would we do it again (adopt SL): yes; in a heart beat. She is a Hardee. However, what we knew getting into it, but are now discovering first hand, is that adoption is not always that pretty little picture of a once-orphaned baby all dressed cute and smiling with her family. It is a slow process; one that has these amazing moments and one that also has incredibly hard moments. In December I heard, "Mama, could you?" all day long. This both made my heart sing and broke my heart. I loved that she had learned to trust me and depend on me. It made me happy to see her learning that mommy takes care of you. From those first weeks in China where my moments of connection with SL were brief and she mostly gave me the "stink-eye" to this time of full dependance gave reason to celebrate. In that first month or so home I embraced this stage, understanding that my 5 year old is lost in a land of no age because her "family age" was pulling down her physical age. We bottle fed her (did you know that left eye to left eye gazing builds connections?). We carried her around and pretty must treated her as we would have if she were a toddler. She needed that time with us in her life. The sad part is that that little independent gal began to disappear. She no longer would do things on her own. Physically we could see the effects (from lack of exercise, the braces we know she wore in China, ???): she couldn't walk on her own anymore. Her little left foot began to turn in so far it was nearly backwards. I'd find my self out and about with a child who looks like a 5 year old who was acting like an infant. As school came to a close for the Christmas holidays, we found ourselves head-over-heals in love with this new part of our family, but also very worn down and puzzled over what to do. We knew we had done the right thing to "baby' her during those first couple months but also needed to turn a corner for her own good (you can't always get what you want). God is good and our annual family trip to Reno came along about this time. It was a lovely time of true emotional connection for the 6 of us and physical growth for SL. We spent much of our time in the pool and this girl loves the water. All that warmth and activity got those legs moving again and miss-I-can-do-it-myself was back. Answer #1: she can do this (OK Mama: time to get aggressive!). Soon after we started physical therapy (IN THE POOL!) and worked at being better at keeping SL moving at home. Wow! What a difference this has made! The pool time is beyond amazing: she loves her swimming. On non-swimming days we try to walk at least 1/2 a mile (if you should happen to see me with a screaming little girl who acts like I am torturing her by making her walk, please understand that it is good for her and she is big into throwing tantrums to get her way). and plow through her exercises (sit-ups, leg lifts, stretches). It is encouraging to see the growth: things that were once hard are becoming easier. One recommendation from our physical therapist was night braces. When we first put them on SL and then propped her up she could stand! Woot! Woot! (We do have pictures of her standing in China). We tried the braces 1 night and ended up taking them off as SL was not a happy camper. We've been putting them on during the day during down time to get some time stretching her calf muscles so her heels are on the ground when she stands. We see great improvement in her feet positioning after wearing the braces. Trouble is, they are really designed for night-wear and not for day-time active use. What she needs are day-time braces. Our only hope here seemed to be Shriners--but our appointment was not until the end of April. We seemed to be at a dead end. But God is bigger: I called asking Shriners if there was anyway we could get in sooner. I was told to call back and ask if there were any cancellations every week. Two days later Shriners called me and told me of a cancellation the next day. Off to Sacramento! Can't say enough about Shriners. Wonderful. So friendly & SL was showered with attention and gifts. The good news is that the "ball" is rolling. The hard news is processing information and medical treatments. We appreciate prayer for wisdom in this area. We are scheduled to return to Shriners Feb. 28 for injections of botox in SL's ankles and knees. The idea is that it will relax her muscles so they can be positioned into the right formation. Two weeks after the botox we return and are fitted for braces or start a 9-week regiment of casting (new cast every week to gradually stretch the foot). It was recommended to try to wear the night braces at night to stretch those muscles and try and avoid casting. I slept with her the first night and we had a long night together: lots of tears and cryings. Last night was worse. She screamed at the top of her lungs(yep, she has no voice today) from 9:00pm to 2:00am (I had one 45 minute break in there when I padded her strapped with pads (yep, the womanly kind). She cried out repeatedly for her nanny. Any way Kyle and I lasted 5 hours and then called it quits. I am thinking we will stick to day time wearing. Or a miracle. :) We'd love (NEED) your prayer: SL: Treatment questions (is botox OK, is casting the best?), those darn night-braces, fit throwing (and us as we try to lovingly say that you can not get what you want by throwing yourself on the floor and screaming), and continued connection to us. She is learning more and more academically but (understandably) is not close to "grade level". She's comfortable enough to be nasty to her siblings these days (scratching, kicking, etc). The other 3: without being too specific for their privacy; the adoption has taken it's toll on them. There are so many adjustments: one more, one who isn't always nice, one who's physical activities often limit or change how we do/did things, we are learning and things are better. It is a process. For us: To have the wisdom and strength to be good parents and to find time for each other. :)

Re-Adoption

Next Monday (1/7), we have a court appointment to re-adopt SongLian. Re-adoption will give SongLian a US birth certificate. Please feel free to join us at the Plumas County Courthouse @ 11:30. We will be downstairs in the family courtroom. It's on the 1st floor on the west side (turn right when you come in the front doors).

English is coming along

SongLian is learning English at rocket speeds which has led to some delightful moments (enjoy, we sure are enjoying this gal!): *At the Christmas Eve service CoraGrace slipped her shoes off and SongLian turned and yelled (yes, yelled), "SHOES ON!!!" *While helping SongLian go to the bathroom while we were swimming, a large puddle began to form on the floor, I told her uh-oh, did you go potty? It is ok. She looked at me and said, "No Mama that water." (Duh! I am wet!) *(Warning this one may be too much information). While in a public restroom: "Oh! Mama, you going poop!" (yeah, nice and loud) *While helping to set the table pushing her little shopping cart (with the place-settings in the cart) she rammed into the card-board box club house which fell over. She looked down at it and said, "Oh, excuse me." as she passed by. *While reading and acting out the Christmas story SongLian played the part of the angel who told Mary she was going to have a baby. As Kyle read from the Bible SongLian shouted at Mary (CoraGrace), "You! Baby Jesus. You! Baby Jesus!" A bit later she began to belt out Hark the Herald Angels sing when Kyle got to the part about the angels visiting the shepherds (no cue here). *Most common phrase: "That's Mine!" *Sweetest words: When I say I love you at bedtime she now says, "I love you too." *She is very good at ordering us to "wash your hands!" and "brush your teeth!" *She was so excited about her new Hello Kitty outfit . . . I put it in the wash and she sat and watched it go round and round. She called to each member of the family, "Watch Hello Kitty, that mine, tomorrow." When I hung it on the laundry line she kept pointing to it, "Wet hello kitty. tomorrow." And first thing in the morning? "Jammies off!Hello Kitty!" *And lots of, "Mama! Watch!" *"Mama, could I help you?" (Translation: Mama I need help). In the same light: "Mama hold you please."